Monday, November 22, 2010

Not sure how many of you still read my blog lol...

So it's been a really long time but I want to start blogging again. Honestly I was scared to write about running because it seemed any time I got excited about or starting planning races and whatnot, the knee decided to act up again.

But it's time to face things and grow some courage, also I'm going to put this out there and hope that having some support will force me to stay true to my goals.

So what's been going on? The real story this time?

Some of you already know that I've struggled with an eating disorder in the past. Running really helped me overcome this. However, somewhere around July I started to get quite fatigued. I guess I thought eating more would give me more energy and I began to overeat. I figured there was no way I'd gain weight running as much as I was. Unfortunately, I gained 6 pounds.

That may not seem like the end of the world to a lot of you but to me it was devastating. I immediately cut down my intake... it wasn't long before the restricted calorie intake started affecting my running. I could barely finish 6 milers, and I began to struggle during my long runs. My weight dropped, along with muscle mass that I'm sure I needed to support my running. A month later, I got injured on my 18 miler.(see previous post on that)

I saw doctors and physical therapists who all told me my injury was minor and that I'd be back running within 3 weeks. 3 weeks later, nothing had improved. They didn't know why but I did. Once I stopped running I stopped eating. I didn't see a point. My physical therapist explained to me that the goal was to build supporting muscles in my legs. It felt pointless, I was pretty sure my body wasn't going to build muscle since it needed the few calories to keep me alive :-/

I went to a nutritionist and let her know what was going on. We were able to stop the weight loss. I still wasn't ready to gain anything back. Maintaining my weight seemed to be enough though to make the physical therapy work and I started running again.

I'm back "kinda" where I was at the beginning of my marathon training (minus 7 pounds). I'm running 5/6mi two times a week and have a 10+ run on the weekend. Knee is achey the first 2 miles but always calms down. I still refuse to gain any weight (regardless of WHAT the pounds consist of...) and because of that my nutritionist is still telling me that I'm still at high risk for injury. :-/

I'm feeling stuck. I'm happy with the amount I'm running but would really like to run a marathon. I realize exercise of that intensity requires appropriate nutrition but I'm too focused on the number to let myself eat enough :(. So instead I'm just sitting here at 20ish miles a week feeling depressed. It all comes down to choices.

So I guess I'm writing this post to first be honest with everyone (including myself) about what is really going on with my running. And to put some concrete goals in writing so I have somewhere to keep track of my progress toward them. Any and all comments/support/whatever is welcome.

-Maintain weight
-Don't add extra runs during the week JUST to burn extra calories.
-Run a 10k this Thursday and LISTEN to my body (this'll be my first race since my injury). If the knee acts up, lighten up the pace. Set Garmin to only show distance, not time/pace.
-Run the OUC Half marathon in 2 weeks, again LISTEN to my body and try to be happy that it is able to run 13.1 miles. That in and of itself should provide satisfaction. Set Garmin to only show distance, not time/pace.
-Keep up with PT exercises at home 2x/week
-Stretch at least before/after every run
-Don't cross train. I need to learn to be okay with eating without exercising every day.

So if you're still reading this, thank you for your support. I'm going to go catch up on some blogs now (I have THOUSANDS of entries in my google reader! lol)


  1. Welcome back to blogging. I'm sorry to read about your struggles. I think your goals about the 10K and half marathon and stretching are good.

    You can do this. *hugs*

  2. I'm still reading! :) I know it must have been really hard to put this out there, so good for you for accepting your situation and being honest with yourself and the world.

    I know how you feeling about being afraid to blog. When I was injured my blogging slowed too because I didn't see a point in blogging about the negatives.

    Your plan sounds good, but perhaps all cross training is not such a bad thing? Biking, for instance, could help you further avoid knee injury. Perhaps don't do it as exercise, but as transportation or go on some social rides so it doesn't feel like you are doing it just to counter the eating?

    I haven't signed up yet, but I'll likely be at OUC too unless I push too hard at Space Coast this Sunday and need longer to recover :)

    Hang in there! We're all here for you. You are too speedy for me now, but if you ever want to go for a slow jog around the hood, let me know :)

  3. I'm still reading! I was so happy to see that you'd updated. I struggled with the weight gain from running too but the way I looked at it is that I truly could see my muscles in my legs and in my stomach so I didn't feel too badly about it after I had my own little pity party for a while. Take it easy on yourself and heal so you can get back to what you love!

  4. take small steps lauren. run half marathons and 10ks for now. enjoy and the rest will follow. thinking about you. hugs

  5. Lauren putting it out there for yourself and others is healthy. I have a family member with an eating disorder so I know how incredibly hard it can be. Hang in there and we're on your side

  6. I think it's great that you're putting your story out there. Stay strong... you can do this!

  7. Good to hear from you... this is actually the first time I've been on blogger for over a month... I've been dealing with my own issues but am also contemplating a comeback... Anyway, best of luck!!!

  8. Welcome back! Glad to hear that you're on the road to recovery. Know that you have lots of people out here in bloggy land that support you :)

  9. I'm still here! Sometimes the best things happen when the expectations are low. Just go out and have fun, and let the rest happen on its own...

  10. Good for you for "coming clean." Very brave. Hang in there!

  11. I agree with the others, good for you. Way to put yourself out there. Its definitely not an easy thing to do. Looks like you have some good goals! Good luck!

  12. Welcome back and thanks for stopping by! Best wishes getting back at it!

  13. Ms. Bananas, I was just looking through your older posts and read this one. I'm so glad I did, as I've always enjoyed staying in touch with you and hearing about your progression in running and life in general. This was a very honest and touching post. I hope you're feeling better now. Any ideas what marathon you might be aiming for next year? I'm signed up for the San Diego Rock 'n Roll in June. Flat course, awesome city.

  14. Lauren, I'm still reading and I give you major props for putting yourself out there. Through it all, just take time whenever needed to work on your FIRST, everything else, running included is secondary. Looks like you've taken the necessary actions towards healing/recovery and you have a plan. I'd say that's a great start. Good luck, I wish you all the best :)